I just barley told our family Doctor.

So today I was kinda online all day, I told my husband that I am going to get out of bed today and do something. Now that it's 3pm I'm still in the same spot. I feel like when I don't get up get ready I'm lazy ALL DAY! and I feel like I can't get out of bed. Well I had to call our family Dr. today and have her fill out some papers for my husbands work for when he was off work. How ridiculous jobs now a days ONLY give you paid 2days for bereavement that doesn't make sense to me. I mean he took off 2wks off but that had to be under FMLA, but how do they think people can cope in 2days. Don't they put themselves in the other persons shoes to see if that is possible or not? Its really NOT POSSILBLE to be happy in 2days after your child has past. Well anyway I had to call my Dr. to have her fill out his papers for work and keep in mind I really never called and told my Dr. what happend and what was going on til today. I started talking and I started BALLING my eyes out! This Dr. delivered ALL my kids except for Samu and Fehoko. She was shocked and just sooo understanding. Wondered why didn't you call me sweetie? I debated on telling her to see if she wanted to come to the funeral or not when Alani passed but I never got around to it. She was asking how I was doing and if I needed any depression meds? I then told her that I found out I was pregnet on Friday and she said to me WOW God works in mysterious ways doesn't he? and she is Catholic so I was surprised she said that and I said "Yes he does". I don't know why I couldn't stop crying after I told her, I think because she saw my kids from babies up til now and she knows how much I LOVE KIDS! When I was pregnet with Alani my Doctor's daughter was in a major accident and her daughter almost died at the age of 16. I remember when she was measuring my belly she said to me that this is the hardest thing because her daughter was in acoma for weeks and she woke up not knowing or remembering anything. I thought to myself back then and told her your soooo lucky your daughter is still alive.
Then when months went by I took Alani back for his check ups and I would always ask her how is her daughter? She would say not too good that her daughter is just now barley talking and her daughter would say to her mom "Why didn't you just let me Die?" I was thinking OMG wow thats horrible. But after my Doctor went on about how much her daughter was going thru and thats why her daughter said that. It made me think would I want to do that to my child? I mean I would be sooo happy that my child would be alive, but that would make ME HAPPY! but then again if my child was suffering would I rather sacrifice losing that child and not being able to see my child again then to see my child suffer thru his/her's daily life? You know what if I didn't know what I know now about the gospel and eternal life after death I would probley not want to lose my child. But to me I think if you belive in God even if your not LDS to me its all the same as long as you BELIVE! I don't know I'm just really greatful for the gospel and I can't stop saying that. I know that ALL PARENTS no matter LDS, Catholic, Methodist or any other religion LOVE AND WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR THEIR CHILDREN. No Doubt! We are all in the same boat, and going thru the same stuff here on earth. I'm soo very blessed to have the people in my life, In my life. Such as great friends that maybe I haven't seen since High school or Jr high that we pick up where we left off and act like we have been keeping in touch all these years. I'm glad that I didn't listen to my parents back in Jr high and High school when they were trying to keep me away from my husband because he was a "bad boy".LOL I love my husband he is a GREAT man. He wants the best for his family and wants to provide the best for his kids, but I want him to know that the BEST for his kids is to seal them all to us. I think that beats a new pair of shoes to new clothes or even new toys. I know he knows this and I want him to know I'm patiently waiting, and I can't wait! I think that's when OUR REAL LIVES will Start!
I LOVE YOU ALANI! and you will Never be forgotten!